6. Sweet Scorpio Transformation: I AM --WE ARE-- ready to release Victimhood

When I started writing post #5 last week, I was in a starkly different headspace than where I ended -- than where I'm at today. Even knowing the astrology - knowing the pull of that powerful, powerful Scorpio Full Moon amidst all of the other surging (and purging!) energies - I was so deep in the pupating at that point that I really couldn't see the metamorphized Light waiting to swaddle me. That fifth post was my way of vomiting out all of the negativity in an attempt to verbally transmute it -- to take the pain, the ANGER (God...the anger..) and write it out in attempt to force myself to discover the gift it was trying to release to me. Because why was all of OLD story crap coming back into my life?? And seemingly out of NOWHERE -- my soulmate hadn't done anything specifically to activate these old narratives, I've always struggled with parenting but HOLY HELL wtf was exploding inside my children all of a sudden, and why was I back to victimvictimvictim within myself again???

If you read post 5 down to the end, you know that the energetics of that post took a stark turn as soon as I realized what that incredible Scorpio moon (and Venus ending her retrograde and the Aries Point line-ups and unusual solar activity and massive energies of my own natal chart--and on and on and on) was preparing to reveal. What started as a written exercise to calm my raging nervous system ended up not only calming me but allowing me to discover the Siddhi - the gift of knowledge, the attainment, as used in Richard Rudd's Gene Keys context - meant to realign and integrate me more with my Higher self.

That post ended as a cliffhanger of sorts, unsure if I was prepared to transform and release victimhood; after all, when the nervous pathways are activated in fear the body's response is to retreat into "comfortable" patterns--even though these old ways actually keep us held down in that fear-prompted pain/distress/suffering. The nervous system prioritizes patterns, so breaking free from destructive patterning is not at all a small order -- especially if those patterns are backed up by generations of ancestral experiences, which is a belief I now strongly hold and, specific to me/my family, I do believe much of my current acute sufferings derive from my paternal lineage. But I'm here to say...by the time of the Scorpio full moon on May 12, all of those agonizing, confounding and desperate feelings had completely dissipated. My pain transmuted and the shadow transformed, right from the Scorpio through the Eagle and into the Phoenix -- the three stages of the Scorpion journey, felt in immense condensed intensity.

A Love Letter

I've gone back and forth about whether or not to share this here. It is a Love letter to my soulmate, but in realizing my soulmate is a reflection of my SELF - my own soul - it is a Love letter to my Self. But wait, there's more...! This is an intimate expression of Self to Self but, ultimately, intimacy is where all of our Souls converge, in an apogee of Love, so this is a love letter to all of YOU -- each your own, autonomous and sovereign fractals of the Divine, but each related to the other as we are all derived from the Divine. So, I dedicate this letter of my heart to my beautiful husband, and to each and every one of you as well - all Souls on the same journey to singularity -- Divinity:::

Dear, ***DEAR*** Soulmate,

You are not my enemy, just as you are not my victim. You are a fractal of the Divine, just as I am; and, as soul mates across many lifetimes together, we share the same fractal imprint of the Divine, which makes us fractals of each other.

We came here on a mission together, and we’re just starting to actively remember it. Tonight’s cleansing moon is the greatest expression of that joint remembering that we’ve had, in this lifetime, thus far. We put so much to rest tonight--in kindness and in Love, looking back where we came from, what we felt and did to get to where we are now, and looking forward to where we are GOING.

We are expanding our individual capacities to Love infinitely, and in doing so we are expanding the collective consciousness of *all* beings—all fractals of Divine—to be invited and enveloped into more unconditional Love for themselves. My soulmate, every time we heal ourselves, we help everyone heal.

You are a deep, deep part of myself - a fractal of Divine - I find myself in you. For 18 years together, not believing in God, or in ANYTHING, I believed in you, I believed in our Love. How many people have told us these two decades of our "serendipity," our "meant to be"-ness, our uncommonly palpable magnetism?? Time and time again we're draped in such beautiful sentiment. Our Love doesn't just transcend time...it transcends the knowingness of those around us. My own plunge into atheist darkness couldn't even hold out against the power our Love holds...there was always a knowingness, which became the only thing I could desperately cling to in the absence of the ultimate Divine Love. My dark night of the soul led me to realize I don't need to claw after our Love and that, if need be, I could survive without it -- but in breaking free from the despair I'm able now to Love you purely, in true unconditionality.

Years ago, through [SE's] assertion, after discovering [CM's] infidelity with his best friend, that: ~their Love wasn't special because no Love is special - not with [then] 7 billion people on the planet...there's no such thing as special or novel and certainly not soulmate. "Love" is so pedestrian, so common as to be interchangeable from one partner to the next~ no amount of fear-driven angry atheism could stifle how I rejected those notions. No, this is not true -- not for US.

Then there was "I hate you, but it's okay..." which saw me through the darkest of our shared forgetting, but even still -- "IT'S OKAY," because even in the center of that horrible shadow, I still somehow had a knowingness that we are here TOGETHER...not apart.

For 18 atheist years YOU were what God meant to me. Your Love was my sole--and soul--definition of Divine. You taught me Love and you taught me Godliness through Loving, and helped me to open my terrified, sorrowful eyes to the indescribable beauty, awe, majesty and utter JOY, ecstasy, of who we REALLY are--where we really come from.

You are Home, you are Heart, and you are Light. You are...Love <3